Sucks in the City

Ciao, California!

2010-08-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

I'm moving to Italy.

Yes, really.

You can follow my adventures as An American in Rome

Oh, LA LA Land

2010-06-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's good to remember that not everyone lives the LA lifestyle

Get Lost

2010-05-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

Surf's Up!

2010-04-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I'm ready for summer? Getting a head start on the outdoor parties. Check out LiveLoveLA for pictures.

Friday Thoughts

2010-03-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

Almost Springtime in Paris

2010-03-11T19:06:00.000-08:00

Start Em Young

2010-03-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

I Can Has Summer Now?

2010-03-08T11:55:00.001-08:00

So Ready for Weekend Reading

2010-03-05T11:54:00.000-08:00

H&M Garden Collection Not-So-Green

2010-01-26T09:39:00.001-08:00

I loved the images released in anticipation of the launch of the H&M Garden Collection. There are several pieces that I would have snatched up the second they hit the shelves. However, a recent investigation revealed that the supposedly organic collection used genetically modified cotton.

"Roughly 30 percent of the tested samples contained genetically modified cotton, says Lothar Kruse, a director of Impetus, an independent lab in Bremerhaven, which examined the cotton fabrics in question. The contaminated cotton was traced back to India, which is responsible for more than half of the global supply of organic cotton, with an output of nearly 107,000 tons of fiber in 2009 alone, according to the Organic Exchange.

A spokeswoman from H&M told AFP that it became aware of the problem last year and conceded that GM cotton could have slipped into the label’s organic collections. "

[Source: Ecouterre]

I think it is completely unacceptable to tout a product as sustainable and organic when your company is fully aware that the material was contaminated. I'm incredibly disappointed with H&M. ESPECIALLY after their clothes destroying fiasco.

In a Nutshell

2010-01-25T19:57:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel.

Le Sigh

2010-01-25T19:54:00.001-08:00

I Has a Happy

2010-01-06T06:55:00.000-08:00

Things are so busy right now. Not in a bad way, but still in a tiring way. Here are a few things that never fail to bring a smile to my face:

Movement

2009-12-21T12:47:00.001-08:00

TGIF

2009-12-18T10:11:00.001-08:00

Hope your weekend is full of fun and disapproving looks!

Sunday Reading

2009-12-13T08:23:00.001-08:00

(Sources? Sorry! I've been collecting book porn pics in a file and not sure where I got them any more. If you know, please comment and I'll credit)

Nothing is Original

2009-12-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

Favorite stolen pieces of inspiration coming soon.

Sad News

2009-11-19T15:52:00.001-08:00

Daul Kim passed away in Paris this morning. Very sad news. I really enjoyed following her career. This shot is from i-D September 2009.

Want

2009-11-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

This bag.

Oh Hai, Trend!

2009-09-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

Look familiar?

Moschino SS10

Want: Alexander Wang SS10 Shoes

2009-09-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Who are you and how did you get those shoes?

via: jak and jil

Want: Isaac Mizrahi SS10

2009-09-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

Beautiful. I'll always be a sucker for black and white with a red lip.

Want

2009-09-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

Alexa Mulberry bag for Spring 2010

P.S. How cool is the Fall 2009 ad?

Do Not Want

2009-09-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

What was she thinking?

Want

2009-09-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

via treehugger

Lean with it, Rock with it

2009-09-03T21:36:00.001-07:00

Driving around the Sierra foothills last weekend I fell in love with this barn. I admire it's tenacity.

The colors remind me that summer is coming to an end, but let's not think about that.

Missing Something?

2009-09-01T19:08:00.001-07:00

I'm digging this Nicholas Kirkwood structured shoes for fall. We've all seen cutouts by now, but I like this take on the cutout heel and sole. The missing pieces create such beautiful lines.

For LOLz:

For WANT:

I really wanted to post them all, but I'm going to hold myself back so you can check them out yourself at Nicholas Kirkwood

Feeling Sketch-y

2009-08-31T15:52:00.000-07:00

If I look like this in cartoon world, then sign me up! I'll be sketch-y any day of the week.

Thank you to x_apple_x!

You Win, Alexander McQueen, You Win.

2009-08-26T11:06:00.001-07:00

Alexander McQueen is killing me. KILLING ME this year. I love every bag in his recent collections.

Here are a few that I can't stop thinking about:

Alexander McQueen Faithful Glove Studded Clutch available at Net A Porter:
The studs. The glove. Want. Need.

Alexander McQueen Red Knuckle Duster Clutch available at Alexander McQueen:

Alexander McQueen Faithful Bucket available at couture.zappos:

Bag Envy

2009-08-26T10:03:00.000-07:00

I am really craving a luxe bag right now. Since I can't afford any, I created a quiz to see how well you know the most iconic (drool-worthy) bags of all time.

Famous Handbags quiz - Take more fun quizzes at ibeatyou

Gigantic Mystery

2009-08-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

I don't think many people have seen Gigantic. Before Sunday night, I had never even heard of this film despite the stellar cast- Paul Dano, Zooey Deschanel, Paul Goodman... Yes, Paul Goodman was in an indie flick.

I started to realize about 10 minutes in WHY I had never heard of this movie. It makes no sense. I mean, not to ruin it for you but at least one of the characters:
-does mushrooms with dad
-hawks up a brain tumor like snot
-wants to adopt a Chinese baby
-is stalked by a homeless man
-kills a homeless man
-studies stress in rats
-signs up for chef school in France
-enjoys creating pinatas of famous dictators
-wears adorable indie clothes and stares wide eyed

Guess which one is Zooey! But seriously, it's like they sat down and tried to figure out how to make a movie without a story line. So kooky, not enough cute.

I Need to Stop Saying "Bish"

2009-08-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

And I need to start blogging more. Looking at some of these past entries is too funny. As an easy welcome back- here's a music video from a man you will be hearing a lot more from soon. Adam Tensta is gonna be huge!

A Little Pam and BAM!

2008-06-23T08:16:00.001-07:00

It has been sofa king hot in LA. Which means it has been 5 degrees hotter IN my apartment. Gotta love the lack of AC.

We've been making due by opening all the windows and running the fan (which sputters and seems to be on its last leg) nonstop. But at about 7 pm last night, I realized that I could not shut the sliding glass door. This is a problem since the door runs the length of our living room. Leaving it open would be exactly the same as letting our front door hang open while we were sleeping.

I waited for the roomie to come home and explained the problem. The two of us tried ganging up and both pulling as hard as we could, but the door would not budge.

Normally at this point, I would give up and call maintenance and go back to the internets. Except maintenance = our 65 year-old land lady who weighs 80 pounds. I was skeptical of how much help she could provide.

"Why don't you ask the guys across the way?"
"But we've never talked to them! What am I supposed to say? 'Hi. I noticed you're male...' I think it's off the track. I just don't know how to get it on. Do we have WD-40?"

Of course we don't have WD-40! But I could see a shiny part of metal had been exposed on the top of the track that should obviously needed to be popped back into place.

Hey, I may not fix things on a regular basis, but I do cook. WD-40 is oil right? Pam spray is oil right? How could spraying Pam on my sliding glass door possibly go wrong?

3 seconds after I tried, I was seriously regretting it. I had yellow goop racing down a glass door. Sigh.

So, I hit it. Really hard. And it popped back onto the track! Smooth as buttah.

And that's how you fix a door, bish.

Listening to: Katy Perry, One of the Boys

Personal Growth and Exploration

2008-06-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

Now, I've ended up on some weird mailing lists... but this one might take the cake.

I'm really not sure what I did to end up on the Pyramid Collection's catalog list. It probably had something to do with donating to some obscure environmental group. Regardless of the reason, I've been lucky enough to flip through "A Catalog of Personal Growth and Exploration," and I feel the need to share the love. The designs and copywriting really speak for themselves, but even the page layouts in the catalog are amazing, so I may have to scan some at a later date to give you the full experience.

Without further ado... The Pyramid Collection! (Descriptions follow each image)

Spirit of Flight Tank Dress: Imagination is limitless-as demonstrated by fantasy artist Josephine Wall, whose silkscreened Spirit of Flight animates the front of this spectacular tank dress. Side slits.

White Crystal Dress: This charming, versatile, frothy creation alters its look to suit the activity. That's because it falls in soft folds that tie from beneath into a gathered, shortened hem and untie to fall to straight, full length.

Wench Dress: Barmaid. Jade. Pirate Queen: Pick your fantasy! Trailing long, flirty ribbons, this frothy peasant blouse and velvet-corset combination attracts second glances (and the occasional tip!). Cross-ribboned bodice assures fit. Crinkle-edged sleeves and neckline, with deep, back-zip closure. Flouncy, lacy, matched apron and bustle.

Nomad Necklace Bracele: From the steppes of Russia to the frozen wastes of Lapland, our nomadic ancestors made use of every part of the animals they herded-starting with the hides. Saluting the craft of those restless peoples, this simple band is cut from a piece of soft leather, fixed with a simple buckle of hammer-finished, silverplated pewter, to wear as a necklace or, doubled, around the wrist. Handcrafted in Turkey. For men and women.

Embroidered Love Jacket: There's a touch of Tom Jones in our romantic coat, from the tendrils of embroidered vines and blossoms adorning the fabric, front and back, to the satiny lining, itself embroidered with the sentiment, "Where there is love, there is life!" Note the turn-down collar, faux-pocket flaps, and a trio of antiqued-brass buttons.

AND for lolz:

Super Kegel Tm Exerciser: It's fantastic! Use it just minutes a day to tighten thighs, buttocks, and abdominal muscles, and relieve lower back pain. Strengthens pelvic floor muscles, too (for improved bladder control). Recommended by doctors, the Super Kegel Exerciser is very easy to use (instructions included). The results are amazing! Made of comfortable, rubber-coated steel with adjustable tension.

This is just a small taste. And, you're welcome.

Listening to: Weezer, The Red Album. Everybody get dangerous, everybody get dangerous.

There Goes My Bag Money...

2008-06-19T19:29:00.001-07:00

Eff!
Eff!
EFF!

Argh, I am so mad at the mechanic right now!

I wish I knew more about cars... but all I really know is that when mine breaks down, it's going to cost a lot of money. There are always so many hidden costs that no one is ever upfront about.

Whatever, I'm almost over it. Almost.

So I got ripped off and have to spend my money on something practical instead of shiny new accessories. Fine. My feminine upbringing may have put me at a disadvantage when it comes to auto repair, but bish you better believe I know how to use a phone. I'll be calling the Better Business Bureau tomorrow.

kloveyoubyes.

All Dressed Up, Nowhere to Go

2008-06-18T08:14:00.001-07:00

When I'm shopping, I'm always most drawn to pretty frocks.

I wish that dresses didn't have such a formal reputation. Even and easy cotton shift will prompt people to ask "Ooooh, where are YOU going?"

Dresses do not have to equal dressed up. In fact, I save summer dresses for the days when I'm feeling particularly lazy... it's a single piece and an entire outfit! It doesn't get any easier.

BUT every girl needs a little va-va-voom in her wardrobe, which is why I love this Tracy Reese Plenty frock. The cut is perfect for showing off major curves. I could do without the stripes, but the bow detail is a lovely touch. My next LBD will be this cut-- lemme know if you find it before I do!

Lilian Dress ($108, orig $270)

I'm Back, Bish

2008-06-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the blog-free time was nice for awhile, but I'm over it. Besides, I think spending more than 3 waking hours offline every day is a little unhealthy.

I'm back and I'm saving up for some brand new bags. Just don't tell my mother, or she'll never send me my rebate check.

Purse pics coming soon...

Because if Neekoh can use it to distract, so can I.

Happiness

2008-05-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

This song makes me feel like jumping for joy.

Goldfrapp- Happiness

Springtime Singing

2008-05-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight is Spring Sing, a UCLA tradition. In honor of what promises to be an incredibly awkward night (ugh, long story), I thought I would share a little diddy by a UCLA alum.

Sara Bareilles- Love Song:

Stuck. in. my. head.

Zip It

2008-05-02T10:27:00.000-07:00

Well, hello there Matt & Nat! My favorite vegan handbag line has totally revamped their website. I've been infatuated with this line since my days in the bay. While nothing is screaming at me this season, I love what they're trying with zip details.

Like the vertical zips on this Moz laptop bag:

Or this white hot Bjork shoulder bag:

And check out the curves on the Soze Large bag:

Finally, the stripes on this Zebrano bag:

Like I said, nothing was love at first sight, but I'm sensing some potential.

And The List Goes On

2008-04-11T14:03:00.000-07:00

I'd like to dedicate this next one to Neekoh, for tagging me! Also, I want to thank the economy for the terrible job market- without you I wouldn't have the time to fill this out!

8 Things I am Passionate About
1) Words
2) Experiences
3) Eco-consciousness
4) Love
5) The interwebs
6) San Diego
7) Relgions (plural! Faith fascinates me)
8) Dive bars

8 Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1) Live in another country
2) Write a book
3) Make the perfect cup of coffee
4) Get a PhD in Media Studies
5) Raise some kickass human beings
6) Meditate
7) Figure out what I'm looking for.
8) Find it. Love it.

8 Things I Say Often
1) Yeah, no
2) whatEVER
3) obvs
4) for serious
5) Are you kidding me?
6) Room for cream
7) Duuuude.
8) I have a boyfriend.

8 Books I Have Read Lately
1) Bell Canto
2) Writers Guide
3) How to Lose Friends and Alienate Peopl
4) That Extra Half Inch
5) The Lovely Bones
6) The Year of Magical Thinking
7) The Beautiful Fall
8) Everything is Illuminated

8 Songs I Could Listen To Over and Over
1) Blondie - Call Me
2) Jack Johnson - Gone Going
3) Matt Costa - Cold December
4) Kate Nash - Mariella
5) Regina Spektor - Hotel Song
6) Feist - I Feel It All
7) Rihanna - Breakin' Dishes
8) Coconut Records - West Coast

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends
1) Their totally hot bods
2) Their totally hot minds
3) They let me tell the same story more than once
4) They think my jokes are good enough for Hollywood Street.
5) Their unconditional love, acceptance and support.
6) Their low alcohol tolerance- cheap dates!
7) They hold my purse when I need to chug beer with a potential employer.
8) They still speak to me after I drag them on stage to meet the bachelor.

TAG! You're it.

Pop Goes the Bubble!

2008-04-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

I had to quit (had to? so dramatic, this one) yesterday when my boss called me to tell me not to bother coming in. They had sold the office chairs, so there would be nowhere to sit to work.

Are you kidding me?

They're in the process of moving to a new office because they can't afford rent on their beachfront property any longer. When they started liquidating the company furniture, I was a little worried. When they didn't transfer my phone extension to the new office? I was a lot worried.

I quit via email. I had some reservations about doing this because it seemed about equivalent to a text message breakup. But, I was informed that you are allowed to text message breakup with a "lame ass boyfriend." Besides, what else was I supposed to do? Show up at an abandoned office and slip my resignation letter under the door?

I got an email back thanking me for being so straightforward (i.e. "we were going to fire you anyways because there's no money to pay you"), and assuring me that they really really liked me. Aww! I love being loved!

But love won't pay the bills!

... Or will it?

Excuse me, I have something I need to work on.

Lit Lust

2008-03-31T13:03:00.000-07:00

OMG! Did you see the book on that guy? It was huge!

[NYT]

Sunny Days

2008-03-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

Go bold or go home.

Moving Time

2008-02-23T09:42:00.001-08:00

I'm still not entirely sure why I'm going back, but it's time to start packing.

And I Said No, No, No!

2008-02-18T17:19:00.000-08:00

I decided to spend the day doing what I do best- shopping! And hallelujah, what do I find but a gorgeous black and white print DVF wrap dress with bell sleeves on sale for $30. $30! That's probably less that the material cost to make the dress. Alas, 15 minutes in the dressing room trying desperately to make it fit, I realized it was a lost cause. Regardless of how beautiful the dress was, a bad fit would never do it justice.

I walked out of the store in defeat.

Now, I stopped drinking soda at the start of the new year, but this was clearly a special situation. I headed into the nearest 7-11 and beelined for the drinks.

What's this? A new flavor? I've been out of the game for far too long. Limited Edition Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry Chocolate? Cherries? Chocolate? Zero calories? $1 off coupon? Sold!

I cracked that bad boy open and took a swig. A swig of cherry cough syrup with not-so-subtle hints of chocolate scratch-n-sniff stickers.

Aye-aye says, "FAIL!"

Yellow Fever

2008-01-29T18:04:00.001-08:00

Wrong:

Right:

Steal of the Day!

2008-01-24T08:31:00.001-08:00

These are on sale?!? 60% off!!? You've got to be kidding me! Who wouldn't want to pay $780.00 for these beauties?

Because everyone deserves a little Thursday pick-me-up, I bring you the Olivia Morris EXCLUSIVE Floral Print Pumps for the low low price of $312.00 [net-a-porter]

Old Navy Couture

2008-01-24T08:22:00.001-08:00

Are you for serious? Once again, "Couture" in the brand name, does not a fashion statement make.

Wear at your own risk.

Juicy Couture Lucille Flip-Flops — $88 [net-a-porter]

Watch Out LA!

2008-01-24T08:12:00.000-08:00

You can take the girl out of So Cal... But she'll just go back.

The words I swore I would never say have already been repeated over and over: I'm moving back to LA.

I've been told by the least judgmental girl I know that she better not catch me simultaneously checking my BlackBerry AND cell phone while some how balancing my Starbucks and giant purse in tottering high heels.

Oh, please! I would never dream of it. High heels are so 2007 anyways. I already have my outfit picked out for the first day of work.

So ca-yute!

Like I Said

2008-01-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

First Born. Jack.

Life > Property

2007-12-15T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's an interesting choice to put your message somewhere that it's going to get pissed on every day.

But I guess that's the point.

Hello, Lover

2007-12-13T20:01:00.001-08:00

All I want for Christmas is you.

I'm Naming My First Born Jack

2007-12-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.

Jack Johnson is finally releasing a new album. He writes:

"My friends and I have just finished recording a new album called Sleep Through the Static. At this point in my life I weigh about 190 lbs and my ear hairs are getting longer. I also have a couple of kids. My wife popped them out, but I helped. Some of the songs on this album are about making babies. Some of the songs are about raising them. Some of the songs are about the world that these children will grow up in; a world of war and love, and hate, and time and space. Some of the songs are about saying goodbye to people I love and will miss."

You can listen to his first single, "If I had Eyes," here. The single will be available on iTunes December 11th and the album, Sleep Through the Static, is due out in the US on February 5th.

Always looking out.

Leftovers

2007-12-06T18:48:00.000-08:00

Their ringleader was called "The General?" For knockoff Nikes? Really?
WWD

Faceoff: Mahmoud vs. Gael

2007-12-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

It really creeps me out how much Mahmoud Ahmadinejad looks like an older, full bearded version of Gael Garcia Bernal.

vs.

Stay hot and nuclear-free, Gael!

[NYT]

Wtf do you mean it's ONLY Wednesday!?

2007-12-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

I am thisclose to buying a couple of cats and calling it a day.

That, or live blogging my feelings towards Charles Shaw glass by glass.

God bless California, where Two Buck Chuck actually costs two bucks.

I Don't Mess With Love

2007-12-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that my job is somewhat enviable from the outside. Office-wide jello shots at 4:45? What's not to love? But sometimes when I'm walking to the train station at 7am I still drag my feet juuuust a little.

A few weeks ago, I realized that I had spent slightly too long deciding which black sweater to wear that day and it was time to start power walking or risk missing my train. Because God forbid I'm late for an opportunity to hurtle myself at 80 mph in an aluminum/fiberglass tube 135 feet below the bay. (Ye-ah, I know how to use wikipedia).

Anyways, I was hussling the last few blocks when a man stopped me on the street.

Dude: Giiiiiiiiiirl! [SCORE! All great conversations open this way!] Girl, I have to tell you. You look fine.
Me: Oh, thanks!
Dude: And the way you walk is MMM!
Me: Ha. Thanks. [Awkward silence] Have a good one!
Dude: You too.

We go our separate ways.

Dude: Wait.
Me: Yes?
Dude: You got a man?
Me: I'm sorry?
Dude: You GOT a MAN?
Me: Yes. Yes I do. [Liar! LIAR! Pants on fire!] And, I also have a train to catch...
Dude: Oh, ok.
Me: Bye!
Dude: Wait.
Me: Yes, sir?
Dude: How long have you been with your man?
Me: I'm sorry?
Dude: How long have you been together?
Me: Two years. [You wish]
Dude: Damn. So you're in love?
Me: Oh. Yes. Love.
Dude: Damn. If it was only 3 or 4 months, I was going to see if you wanted something on the side. I would mess with 3 or 4 months. ... But I don't mess with love. I'm Brian. If anything changes, you let me know.

Honestly, Brian? You made my day. I just have this amazing dry spell going. And I don't mess with a sure thing.

For Only 600 Payments of $19.99

2007-12-03T18:34:00.000-08:00

I'm so frustrated by this luxury culture that I'm clearly feeding. Why does a $700 price tag + red soles = good?

Pretty, though.

My job is so commercial that I've decided to make everyone's Christmas presents (yay for you)! And even though I like to pretend that I can remove myself from the culture of wanting/needing/going into extreme debt to have, there are moments when I want something incredibly ridiculous.

Like a $12,000 Chanel bicycle.

Fuck. How many weeks before we see it on Gossip Girl?

[Via Vogue UK]

New Obsession

2007-12-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok. One more...

Um. Marry me?

FYI- You can check out Jason Schwartzman's band Coconut Records here.

West Coast

2007-12-01T16:25:00.001-08:00

Indie rock + California loving + skateboard + museum = new favorite.

Polished Punk

2007-11-29T20:55:00.001-08:00

It doesn't get much more girly than gunmetal.

Black leather and bows.

Hot cuffs

Oh, to be an angsty punk-rocker wannabe once more...

All of this hotness and more at Made Her Think

Rant and Rave

2007-11-29T18:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Rihanna,

I am probably one of the few remaining people who doesn't think you are overrated or annoying. I actually find you quite cute and think your songs are catchy.

That being said, I. Can. Not. Write. About. You. Any. More.

You or Britney, or Paris, or Nicole, or Lindsay, or Katie Holmes, or Katherine Heigl, or Hayden Panettiere. God, especially Hayden Panettiere.

It's not because you aren't nice people. You probably are. I mean, except for Britney and Paris who used to be nice people but are now kind of trashy. (What? I never said I was going to stop judging. I just don't want to do it 50-60 hours a week).

No, it's because you're making me dumb. I should have other things to talk about than your new highlights or those stupid-ass shoes. Srsly. See? I don't even use full words anymore. OMG, I am totes for serious that this is obvs def not perf.

You hurt my head. Kind of like The Hills hurts my head.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is- I don't see this going anywhere. So I'm going to go. Please don't follow me.

Douche Face

2007-11-23T14:10:00.000-08:00

Question: Are there skunks in Berkeley?
Answer: Yes.

But how can you answer with such certainty?

Um, have you ever been awoken by a smell? Because this is kind of how my night went:
Blonde dream: Oh Rihanna [Ed. note: we can discuss why I was dreaming about Rihanna another time] your dress is so pret- sniff - So prett- sniff - Rihanna, why does your dress..? Doesn't it smell.. like...? Good God, what the FUCK IS THAT?!?

I walked into the hall and saw my dad. "Is that YOU?!" I immediately demanded.

"It's the DOGS!" he hurled back before stomping away.

I heard the computer start up and headed back to my room. Shutting the door did nothing. Lighting a candle did nothing. Trying to breathe only under the covers did nothing. Trying not to breathe... didn't last long at all. My nostrils were on fire. I tried slathering my hands in lotion and breathing through my fingers, but that only mixed the the stench with a little bit of coconut.

It was useless, so I walked out to the living room to see if there was a game plan.

"Not that it matters now," my dad said when he saw me, "but have you seen any leashes?"

"Leashes?"

"Leashes."

I cracked a smile, because it was far, far too late for leashes.

"Tomato juice is not at all advisable," he read off of the computer screen. "It's effectiveness is questionable and the juice will dye the dog's coat red. The best way to eliminate oder is to use a mixture of baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and liquid soap."

"I don't have any hydrogen peroxide," I offered helpfully.

"Use care... as mixture may be explosive?!"

Fan-fucking-tastic, I thought.

Did I mention that my family had only been in town for about four hours? They drove in to have Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house and then came to stay with me at my apartment. The four of them, dad, stepmom and two little sisters, rolled in with the dogs at about 11 pm. They were going to leave at 10 am the next morning, so really, how much trouble could they possibly get into? I had the beds made, they brought the dogs in, and we went to sleep. Until..

Until my dad decided to walk the dogs at 3 am. They're small and needy and have to be attended to basically constantly. But they're very cute, so we keep them. They made enough noise that night to wake him up. He figured they probably had to go outside and took them. His mistake was believing this would be an easy task.

He set them down to do their business and they took off.

Now, when your dog gets sprayed by a skunk, it isn't just the dog's fur that smells. Instead, it smells like 50 skunks have died in your apartment.

"Take care to keep hydrogen peroxide mixture away from the animal's eyes," my dad continued to read from the pet care website. "If your dog has been sprayed directly in the face, use an over-the-counter douche to cleanse the face."

I'm sorry, did he just say douche?

"If you do not act quickly, your dog may smell for quite some time. Wear old clothes and rubber gloves. You may want to consider shaving the dog."

I realized at that point I didn't know where the dogs were. They're so fucking jittery and yippy that they're usually easy to keep track off. This time though, they were silent. Their humiliation was complete.

I heard my stepmom hypothesize they would die.

"They won't die," my dad returned impatiently as he put on his coat and prepared to walk out the door.

"If you do not act quickly, your dogs may smell for quite some time," I thought as I walked back to my room.

And as terrible as the smell was (and would be for quite some time) there are few things more hilarious than imagining your 6'2", 220 lb, scruffy father trying to buy an OTC douche at 3 am on Thanksgiving night.

Face douching seemed so appropriate. It perfectly summarized how I felt about those damn dogs- douche faces.

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-21T16:26:00.000-08:00

Poverty. Disease. War.
Racism. Homophobia. Sexism.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the world's problems that not even my Balenciaga and Louboutins can cheer me up.

Let's add apathy and consumerism to that list.

In all seriousness, I have many many ~~things~~ people to be thankful for and I hope to see each and every one of them very soon.

Real Jobs Are Overrated

2007-11-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

Tuition, books, student loans and a looming threat of something called "the real world" where, rumor has it, you're responsible for everything. Paying bills is an inescapable part of life, but don't think you have to stick with your coffee-fetching entry level job or sell a kidney to make next month's rent. Starting your own business can be a way of turning what you love to do into what you get paid to do.

First you need a business plan. What is the one thing you know more about than any of your friends? How can you turn that knowledge and passion into a business? Be specific and be careful- make sure you choose to do something that you really love, not just something you have a general interest in.

Kelly Emme, creator of Killercotton.com, turned her love of seeking out hard-to-find, underground designers and retailers into a growing business, but first she got sidetracked trying to start a design company. Kelly realized that while she had a passion for design, she hated sewing. What she really loved was searching for new designers. It's essential to focus on your real goals and desires. If you don't love what you're doing, you probably won't work hard enough to make your venture a success. Being specific will also help ensure your business fills a distinct niche.

Consider following Kelly's lead and going with an internet based business. You'll have a much lower overhead compared to a traditional "bricks and mortar" business because there's no need to pay rent on a physical location. Your business will be open 24/7/365 and you have the potential to reach an audience of millions.

Even though you can tap into a huge market doesn't mean you can sit back and wait for things to happen on their own. Start today! Don't get discouraged when you realize your amazing idea isn't making you millions overnight. Since it can take awhile for a new business to establish itself and take off, don't procrastinate. The sooner you begin, the sooner you'll grow. One of the most common regrets new business owners express is not starting sooner.

Be prepared to invest time and money before you start seeing that big pay off. It can take four years for an internet business to turn a pocketable profit. This doesn't mean you'll be losing money for the first four years, but it does mean that most of your generated income at that point needs to be reinvested into your company to help it grow. One of the common pitfalls of new businesses is being selfish. Don't be afraid to share your ideas once you get started. By building a solid team you'll be able to share the workload and ensure your business is ready to grow.

Finally, and most importantly- do not underestimate the importance of marketing! Customers can't utilize your services if they don't know you exist. Do research on your target audience and find marketing outlets that will help you get the word out about your business.

Good luck!

Do You Go There Everyday?

2007-11-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

Do you go there everyday?

Yes! Except for Monday. And Tuesday. And Thursday.

-Six-year-old sister.

When the Shower's A-Rockin'...

2007-11-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

We had a rather sizable earthquake here a couple days ago. As well as, oh you know, about 40 aftershocks.

Normally when an earthquake hits, it means I won't be sleeping. Everyone in the Bay Area starts talking about the mythical "big one" (heh, that's what she said!) and I am determined to be awake if it hits.

This time, however, I didn't even feel the 5.6! In the past, measly 2.1's have been enough to cause sleepless nights, but this one I missed entirely.

Was it late at night? Was I ptfo'ed? No, no, it was only 8 p.m.

Here's the thing- I was in the shower. I did notice that the shower door popped open. Weird. But I just closed it and continued with my non-energy-conserving delicious waste of hot water. Only... my shower door slides. Which means the quake was strong enough, and shook back and forth long enough, to slide the door open. But is it really so surprising that I didn't feel the earthquake in the shower? Because really, the last thing you want to think about when you're naked? Your house collapsing around you.

Why is it Warm???

2007-11-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

The on-going standoff with the radiator has reached a climax.

When I came home today and it was warm, I knew something was wrong. I've been putting off asking for help with the radiator, but this was clearly go time. I had to place a semi-frantic phone call to my grandma.

Gma: Hello?
Me: Grandma! Grandma! It's me! I have to ask you something! Grandma! It's warm in here.
Gma: Ok...
Me: No, like, it's really warm in here. I think the radiator is... ON!!!
Gma: Yes. I turned it on today.
Me: Oh. Ok... but.. but... butbutbutbut.. It's making noise.
Gma: Yes, they do that.
Me: Ok. But this is like a hissing noise.
Gma: Yes, that's the kind of noise they make.
Me: Yeah, but I can like, hear it hissing.
Gma: That's what they do.
Me: Are you sure??!!?
Gma: Yes.
Me: Oh, well, I mean.. I don't know...
Gma: Is it leaking?
Me: No.
Gma: Is it making the house warm?
Me: Yes.
Gma: Ok, call me if either of those things change.
*click*

So so cold

2007-10-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

And so so fucking stubborn. It's the middle of October, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that it's cold. Only problem is, I don't know how to turn the heat on in my apartment. I've never lived somewhere that required heat.

Have you heard of this magical land called Southern California? It's always 70-something. Always. I don't do "seasons."

Another thing about Southern California? It's new. It comes with new-fangled inventions like thermostats. The apartment I'm in now doesn't even have grounded electricity so you can forget about heat. There are radiators in the main rooms, but the knob/gas thing worries me.

I could always ask for help, but where's the fun in that?

Considering It.

2007-10-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

"I take phone numbers, too."
-Homeless guy in San Diego after I gave him change.

"Will you marry me?"
"Have you given any more thought to being my wife?"
-Homeless man in San Francisco.

These Nor Cal boys get straight to the point. I like it.