Life > Property

It's an interesting choice to put your message somewhere that it's going to get pissed on every day.






But I guess that's the point.

Hello, Lover

All I want for Christmas is you.

I'm Naming My First Born Jack

I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.

Jack Johnson is finally releasing a new album. He writes:

"My friends and I have just finished recording a new album called Sleep Through the Static. At this point in my life I weigh about 190 lbs and my ear hairs are getting longer. I also have a couple of kids. My wife popped them out, but I helped. Some of the songs on this album are about making babies. Some of the songs are about raising them. Some of the songs are about the world that these children will grow up in; a world of war and love, and hate, and time and space. Some of the songs are about saying goodbye to people I love and will miss."



You can listen to his first single, "If I had Eyes," here. The single will be available on iTunes December 11th and the album, Sleep Through the Static, is due out in the US on February 5th.

Always looking out.

Leftovers

Their ringleader was called "The General?" For knockoff Nikes? Really?
WWD

Faceoff: Mahmoud vs. Gael

It really creeps me out how much Mahmoud Ahmadinejad looks like an older, full bearded version of Gael Garcia Bernal.



vs.




Stay hot and nuclear-free, Gael!



[NYT]

Wtf do you mean it's ONLY Wednesday!?

I am thisclose to buying a couple of cats and calling it a day.

That, or live blogging my feelings towards Charles Shaw glass by glass.

God bless California, where Two Buck Chuck actually costs two bucks.

I Don't Mess With Love

I have to admit that my job is somewhat enviable from the outside. Office-wide jello shots at 4:45? What's not to love? But sometimes when I'm walking to the train station at 7am I still drag my feet juuuust a little.

A few weeks ago, I realized that I had spent slightly too long deciding which black sweater to wear that day and it was time to start power walking or risk missing my train. Because God forbid I'm late for an opportunity to hurtle myself at 80 mph in an aluminum/fiberglass tube 135 feet below the bay. (Ye-ah, I know how to use wikipedia).

Anyways, I was hussling the last few blocks when a man stopped me on the street.

Dude: Giiiiiiiiiirl! [SCORE! All great conversations open this way!] Girl, I have to tell you. You look fine.
Me: Oh, thanks!
Dude: And the way you walk is MMM!
Me: Ha. Thanks. [Awkward silence] Have a good one!
Dude: You too.

We go our separate ways.

Dude: Wait.
Me: Yes?
Dude: You got a man?
Me: I'm sorry?
Dude: You GOT a MAN?
Me: Yes. Yes I do. [Liar! LIAR! Pants on fire!] And, I also have a train to catch...
Dude: Oh, ok.
Me: Bye!
Dude: Wait.
Me: Yes, sir?
Dude: How long have you been with your man?
Me: I'm sorry?
Dude: How long have you been together?
Me: Two years. [You wish]
Dude: Damn. So you're in love?
Me: Oh. Yes. Love.
Dude: Damn. If it was only 3 or 4 months, I was going to see if you wanted something on the side. I would mess with 3 or 4 months. ... But I don't mess with love. I'm Brian. If anything changes, you let me know.


Honestly, Brian? You made my day. I just have this amazing dry spell going. And I don't mess with a sure thing.

For Only 600 Payments of $19.99

I'm so frustrated by this luxury culture that I'm clearly feeding. Why does a $700 price tag + red soles = good?



Pretty, though.

My job is so commercial that I've decided to make everyone's Christmas presents (yay for you)! And even though I like to pretend that I can remove myself from the culture of wanting/needing/going into extreme debt to have, there are moments when I want something incredibly ridiculous.

Like a $12,000 Chanel bicycle.



Fuck. How many weeks before we see it on Gossip Girl?

[Via Vogue UK]

New Obsession

Ok, ok. One more...




Um. Marry me?

FYI- You can check out Jason Schwartzman's band Coconut Records here.

West Coast

Indie rock + California loving + skateboard + museum = new favorite.

Polished Punk

It doesn't get much more girly than gunmetal.


Black leather and bows.


Hot cuffs


Oh, to be an angsty punk-rocker wannabe once more...



All of this hotness and more at Made Her Think

Rant and Rave

Dear Rihanna,

I am probably one of the few remaining people who doesn't think you are overrated or annoying. I actually find you quite cute and think your songs are catchy.

That being said, I. Can. Not. Write. About. You. Any. More.

You or Britney, or Paris, or Nicole, or Lindsay, or Katie Holmes, or Katherine Heigl, or Hayden Panettiere. God, especially Hayden Panettiere.

It's not because you aren't nice people. You probably are. I mean, except for Britney and Paris who used to be nice people but are now kind of trashy. (What? I never said I was going to stop judging. I just don't want to do it 50-60 hours a week).

No, it's because you're making me dumb. I should have other things to talk about than your new highlights or those stupid-ass shoes. Srsly. See? I don't even use full words anymore. OMG, I am totes for serious that this is obvs def not perf.

You hurt my head. Kind of like The Hills hurts my head.



Anyways, what I'm trying to say is- I don't see this going anywhere. So I'm going to go. Please don't follow me.

Douche Face

Question: Are there skunks in Berkeley?
Answer: Yes.

But how can you answer with such certainty?

Um, have you ever been awoken by a smell? Because this is kind of how my night went:
Blonde dream: Oh Rihanna [Ed. note: we can discuss why I was dreaming about Rihanna another time] your dress is so pret- sniff - So prett- sniff - Rihanna, why does your dress..? Doesn't it smell.. like...? Good God, what the FUCK IS THAT?!?

I walked into the hall and saw my dad. "Is that YOU?!" I immediately demanded.

"It's the DOGS!" he hurled back before stomping away.

I heard the computer start up and headed back to my room. Shutting the door did nothing. Lighting a candle did nothing. Trying to breathe only under the covers did nothing. Trying not to breathe... didn't last long at all. My nostrils were on fire. I tried slathering my hands in lotion and breathing through my fingers, but that only mixed the the stench with a little bit of coconut.

It was useless, so I walked out to the living room to see if there was a game plan.

"Not that it matters now," my dad said when he saw me, "but have you seen any leashes?"

"Leashes?"

"Leashes."

I cracked a smile, because it was far, far too late for leashes.

"Tomato juice is not at all advisable," he read off of the computer screen. "It's effectiveness is questionable and the juice will dye the dog's coat red. The best way to eliminate oder is to use a mixture of baking soda, hydrogen peroxide and liquid soap."

"I don't have any hydrogen peroxide," I offered helpfully.

"Use care... as mixture may be explosive?!"

Fan-fucking-tastic, I thought.

Did I mention that my family had only been in town for about four hours? They drove in to have Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house and then came to stay with me at my apartment. The four of them, dad, stepmom and two little sisters, rolled in with the dogs at about 11 pm. They were going to leave at 10 am the next morning, so really, how much trouble could they possibly get into? I had the beds made, they brought the dogs in, and we went to sleep. Until..

Until my dad decided to walk the dogs at 3 am. They're small and needy and have to be attended to basically constantly. But they're very cute, so we keep them. They made enough noise that night to wake him up. He figured they probably had to go outside and took them. His mistake was believing this would be an easy task.

He set them down to do their business and they took off.

Now, when your dog gets sprayed by a skunk, it isn't just the dog's fur that smells. Instead, it smells like 50 skunks have died in your apartment.

"Take care to keep hydrogen peroxide mixture away from the animal's eyes," my dad continued to read from the pet care website. "If your dog has been sprayed directly in the face, use an over-the-counter douche to cleanse the face."

I'm sorry, did he just say douche?

"If you do not act quickly, your dog may smell for quite some time. Wear old clothes and rubber gloves. You may want to consider shaving the dog."

I realized at that point I didn't know where the dogs were. They're so fucking jittery and yippy that they're usually easy to keep track off. This time though, they were silent. Their humiliation was complete.

I heard my stepmom hypothesize they would die.

"They won't die," my dad returned impatiently as he put on his coat and prepared to walk out the door.

"If you do not act quickly, your dogs may smell for quite some time," I thought as I walked back to my room.

And as terrible as the smell was (and would be for quite some time) there are few things more hilarious than imagining your 6'2", 220 lb, scruffy father trying to buy an OTC douche at 3 am on Thanksgiving night.

Face douching seemed so appropriate. It perfectly summarized how I felt about those damn dogs- douche faces.

Happy Thanksgiving

Poverty. Disease. War.
Racism. Homophobia. Sexism.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the world's problems that not even my Balenciaga and Louboutins can cheer me up.

Let's add apathy and consumerism to that list.

In all seriousness, I have many many things people to be thankful for and I hope to see each and every one of them very soon.

Real Jobs Are Overrated

Tuition, books, student loans and a looming threat of something called "the real world" where, rumor has it, you're responsible for everything. Paying bills is an inescapable part of life, but don't think you have to stick with your coffee-fetching entry level job or sell a kidney to make next month's rent. Starting your own business can be a way of turning what you love to do into what you get paid to do.

First you need a business plan. What is the one thing you know more about than any of your friends? How can you turn that knowledge and passion into a business? Be specific and be careful- make sure you choose to do something that you really love, not just something you have a general interest in.

Kelly Emme, creator of Killercotton.com, turned her love of seeking out hard-to-find, underground designers and retailers into a growing business, but first she got sidetracked trying to start a design company. Kelly realized that while she had a passion for design, she hated sewing. What she really loved was searching for new designers. It's essential to focus on your real goals and desires. If you don't love what you're doing, you probably won't work hard enough to make your venture a success. Being specific will also help ensure your business fills a distinct niche.

Consider following Kelly's lead and going with an internet based business. You'll have a much lower overhead compared to a traditional "bricks and mortar" business because there's no need to pay rent on a physical location. Your business will be open 24/7/365 and you have the potential to reach an audience of millions.

Even though you can tap into a huge market doesn't mean you can sit back and wait for things to happen on their own. Start today! Don't get discouraged when you realize your amazing idea isn't making you millions overnight. Since it can take awhile for a new business to establish itself and take off, don't procrastinate. The sooner you begin, the sooner you'll grow. One of the most common regrets new business owners express is not starting sooner.

Be prepared to invest time and money before you start seeing that big pay off. It can take four years for an internet business to turn a pocketable profit. This doesn't mean you'll be losing money for the first four years, but it does mean that most of your generated income at that point needs to be reinvested into your company to help it grow. One of the common pitfalls of new businesses is being selfish. Don't be afraid to share your ideas once you get started. By building a solid team you'll be able to share the workload and ensure your business is ready to grow.

Finally, and most importantly- do not underestimate the importance of marketing! Customers can't utilize your services if they don't know you exist. Do research on your target audience and find marketing outlets that will help you get the word out about your business.

Good luck!

Do You Go There Everyday?

Do you go there everyday?

Yes! Except for Monday. And Tuesday. And Thursday.

-Six-year-old sister.

When the Shower's A-Rockin'...

We had a rather sizable earthquake here a couple days ago. As well as, oh you know, about 40 aftershocks.

Normally when an earthquake hits, it means I won't be sleeping. Everyone in the Bay Area starts talking about the mythical "big one" (heh, that's what she said!) and I am determined to be awake if it hits.

This time, however, I didn't even feel the 5.6! In the past, measly 2.1's have been enough to cause sleepless nights, but this one I missed entirely.

Was it late at night? Was I ptfo'ed? No, no, it was only 8 p.m.

Here's the thing- I was in the shower. I did notice that the shower door popped open. Weird. But I just closed it and continued with my non-energy-conserving delicious waste of hot water. Only... my shower door slides. Which means the quake was strong enough, and shook back and forth long enough, to slide the door open. But is it really so surprising that I didn't feel the earthquake in the shower? Because really, the last thing you want to think about when you're naked? Your house collapsing around you.

Why is it Warm???

The on-going standoff with the radiator has reached a climax.

When I came home today and it was warm, I knew something was wrong. I've been putting off asking for help with the radiator, but this was clearly go time. I had to place a semi-frantic phone call to my grandma.

Gma: Hello?
Me: Grandma! Grandma! It's me! I have to ask you something! Grandma! It's warm in here.
Gma: Ok...
Me: No, like, it's really warm in here. I think the radiator is... ON!!!
Gma: Yes. I turned it on today.
Me: Oh. Ok... but.. but... butbutbutbut.. It's making noise.
Gma: Yes, they do that.
Me: Ok. But this is like a hissing noise.
Gma: Yes, that's the kind of noise they make.
Me: Yeah, but I can like, hear it hissing.
Gma: That's what they do.
Me: Are you sure??!!?
Gma: Yes.
Me: Oh, well, I mean.. I don't know...
Gma: Is it leaking?
Me: No.
Gma: Is it making the house warm?
Me: Yes.
Gma: Ok, call me if either of those things change.
*click*

So so cold

And so so fucking stubborn. It's the middle of October, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that it's cold. Only problem is, I don't know how to turn the heat on in my apartment. I've never lived somewhere that required heat.

Have you heard of this magical land called Southern California? It's always 70-something. Always. I don't do "seasons."

Another thing about Southern California? It's new. It comes with new-fangled inventions like thermostats. The apartment I'm in now doesn't even have grounded electricity so you can forget about heat. There are radiators in the main rooms, but the knob/gas thing worries me.

I could always ask for help, but where's the fun in that?

Considering It.

"I take phone numbers, too."
-Homeless guy in San Diego after I gave him change.

"Will you marry me?"
"Have you given any more thought to being my wife?"
-Homeless man in San Francisco.

These Nor Cal boys get straight to the point. I like it.